Worthless
by Erin-Starlight
Summary: From Bobbys' POV from the events from the Parakeet and the Snowman.


Timeline: After Professor Xavier recruited Warren/Angel before all the original X-Men were together. Takes place during chapter 20 from my story The Parakeet and the Snowman.

It had been a crappy day to begin with. Not the kind of day you would feel up to--oh say jumping off a platform to a possible death. I had been having trouble sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes I saw the mob, heard the screams and it was just…too much. I didn't want them to think I was scared…I mean I know I was but they didn't have to know that. They'd never let me live it down. At least Warren wouldn't. I just knew he'd tease me.

 I didn't want them to think I was weak, that I couldn't hold my own. That I would be afraid to fight or that I'd let them down. Because I wouldn't. I knew I wasn't the most talented, or the wisest but I was willing to learn. I wanted to, not because I ever thought I would become some powerful super-mutant or anything. Nah, none of that mattered to me. I simply wanted to be able to fight for the dream, to stop people from getting hurt.

And maybe, just maybe prove to everyone that I could take care of myself. Yeah, I did do a GREAT job of looking after myself that day, that's for sure. 

Warren was suppose to catch me, simple exercise huh? The idea won't bother me as much if I didn't feel so freaked out about the last couple of days. I mean I trusted him, I knew he wouldn't let me fall. But that still didn't mean I wasn't freaked out after the practice dummy got decapitated. I mean seriously, who wouldn't get a bit nervous after seeing their 'rescuer' lose a head that wasn't even his? 

Well I did remember all too clearly how things went after I stepped off the platform. You know it's amazing how everything seems to slow down during life threatening situations. I couldn't get the image of the severed head out of my head. My muscles felt like lead, I just couldn't get myself to relax. When I caught Warren speed up I got myself to go limp, but not enough. My wrist was fractured as a result.

So the Prof took us to the nearest hospital, a small one with just two stories. I went through a CAT scan, and a MRA. Since it was a fracture to the wrist it was harder to see and I was beginning to get frustrated. My wrist was causing agony for me; I didn't want to keep yapping about it. Still the Professor stayed by me, talking to me telepathically to calm me down. 

/This will all be over soon, Bobby. /

/……This is my fault isn't it? / He never commented on it but was clear that he believed I bared some responsibility in it. And so the guilt trip continued…

After I was treated he stayed behind to speak to the doc telling me to find the guys. 

I found them alright. I really wished I didn't. 

Over the past two weeks I've gotten to known Warren. He's annoyed me, a lot, and I've done my best to tick him off as well. But…we were starting to become friends. At least I thought we were. Sure we bickered but I liked him. Warren was cool--to some extend--cooler than Scott anyway. He got the idea of having fun, something no one else in my life seemed to understand. I even thought he was worried about me at one point. All that had shattered with a few choice words.

They weren't anywhere to be seen in the lobby but their voices were ringing throughout the floor. "Right because Bobbys' all so-helpful to us all." Warrens mocking voice called out. It felt liked I was kicked in the stomach, all breath left me and all I could do was listen to him ridicule me.

"He's an asset to the team--" Scott stated dutifully.

"Oh yeah he's so valuable with his impressive abilities!" I winced at that. Was this really what he thought of me? "Come on admit it, he's only here because Xavier had pity on him. He's nothing but trouble! This would have never have happened if he knew what the hell he was doing!" He was right, I knew he was. I was holding them back. This was the first time we really had someone injured and it had been my fault. Was that why the Professor never spent that much time training me? Because he knew it was pointless?

"We don't need a worthless little brat like him to keep holding us down!" Worthless. He actually called me worthless… 

Warren calls out to me and I'm stunned that I'm actually still standing there. That he has the nerve to even talk to me. Why bother? It would just be a waste of his time. So I ran for it. I'm not sure where I'm going to go. Anywhere away from them, it doesn't really matter. 

In the end I always screw up. I always let people down. My parents. My old friends. The Professor. Scott and Warren. I can never be what they want me to be. I try but it's never hard enough. 

I can't be 'normal', or pass for it. I don't want to 'pass.' It's just not who I am. I can't be talented, smart or mature enough because no matter how hard I try it always falls short. I don't deserve to be taken seriously. 

They don't want me to watch their backs, because they don't trust me to protect them. They know I'm not good enough. 

I'm not the perfect X-Man like Scott. I'm just Bobby Drake the worthless X-Man.  

A/N: This story will continue in Warrens' POV in 'The Parakeet and the Snowman."


End file.
